It's desperate. I know he thinks its easier if we don't think about each other.. But who am I going to think about? We have to spend our life fantasising about something. When you haven't met the love of your life you think about the world's bigger problems, your future, what that person may be like. You think about what job you're going to have, what you're going to do tomorrow, you refocus so you can get through university. You think about your parents, what they think about you, how'd they feel about your thoughts. Sometimes I think about how many problems the world has and how scary it will be when it all catches up on itself. I think about how the main problem in the world is that people think there isn't a problem therefore won't do anything. I think about how if you could only put the ambition in everyone to make a better place, if you could get them to believe it, then we'd be so set. And there'd be no reason to complain.
I think so idealistically.. And in an ideal world I'm doing everything, thinking all these things right next to him.
Now all I can think about it my future with him. All I think about is how the huge problems wouldn't be thought about if people like him didn't exist. My main thoughts are about how if we were together we'd have such a better chance at saving the world. How when you're in a group, you're 10 times stronger and how as a pair we only attract more people and enrich each others lives.
I can just hear my Dad in my head saying 'it's just one year out of so many.' But he doesn't understand that there is a serious threat that I won't have a future. We are the challenging generation. Physically fighting for the next 20 years on this Earth.
Every second is honestly precious. And I'm not spending my valuable time with him.
What the fuck am I doing.
My entirety of youth is spent thinking about the future. And right now all I can do is go into the past..
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